Second post of the blog, this one is from several years ago too. This one is seriously embarrassing and I literally laugh out loud as I read parts of it. It starts out with a poem I wrote, that let's be honest is rap, but that makes me crack up even thinking about that. I was listening to NF a lot as I ran. I just love him. I mentioned in the previous post about Christian artists not being real, he's the only one I can think of that is real about it all, even though he's a Christian. So as I retype this "poem" I'm going to try and reword it so it doesn't sound as much as a rap. I wrote this when I was going through a mood. I don't have bipolar, but I feel like I go through some pretty intense lows at times. I have to admit there are certain stanzas in this poem that I feel are gold lol. I may highlight them just because. I feel like I'm currently having way too much fun writing this blog. lol I write a lot of poetry but have not written one like this since my NF inspired moment. 🤣 Also, as I type this out I am also embarrassed about the rawness of my feelings. There is such a stigma around mental health. I almost don't want to put it out there, but the only way we break the stigma is by being real right? I actually wrote several other poems after this like a follow up, that were a lot more positive, how God pulled me out of that funk, but I think I've shared enough of that type of poetry for the century. I hope you enjoy it.
Without further ado---- again----- Here's my other post that I wrote but didn't post years ago!! 😉😃
Feeling like He made me differently,
They say He doesn't make mistakes,
But I'm the one,
He made unintentionally.
I didn't fit the mold,
On the assembly line,
rolled off the conveyor belt,
cracked into sublime
I'm not so typical,
People don't get me,
On the outside looking in,
An anomaly.
Everyone's flying high
And I'm trying to get by
When there ain't no chance,
there's no odds to defy.
Trying to find my place, my space,
Same old, same old, this misery,
This life's got me like Sudoku,
like a mystery.
Got no purpose,
Got no goal,
ADHD got me like
An internet troll
This cant be all there is
There's got to be more
Why is it so hard to find,
Get to the core?
So easy for everyone else,
They have their calling,
Me- I'm falling, bawling,
Hearts beating, But there's no pulse
Barely surviving,
Coasting through,
Lonely as ever,
Googling bipolar II
Wanna feel fulfilled,
Be somebody,
But it's the Final Act,
--- And I'm the understudy.
Got this creative juice,
Got the straw,
need to suck,
To see through the mud,
You have to clear the muck
Another hour, another day,
feeling like I failed it,
Praying I do better,
to end it saying "nailed it"
Instead I say "same",
Only me to blame,
Spend hours on facebook,
Knowing it's fakebook
On the outside looking in,
Wondering what went wrong,
Were we really ever friends,
Or just lyrics to a song?
Offering to a plate,
Obligatory invites,
make the attendance go up,
Well I'm fed up,
Not a pawn in your chess,
Don't play that game any more
- Wish you the best.
Too hurt to proceed,
Too scared to pass go,
So many feelings,
I need to let go.
I schmooze and talk,
But I'd rather fb stalk,
Putting up a boundary,
Is sedimentary.
Like a sinking rock,
I'm going down,
Ugly crying,
In a crowded town.
Pain had me so scared,
Had to put up my guard,
Me and my reflection,
No room for rejection.
Add you to the list,
Protect myself,
Hold up my fists.
Got this pent up energy inside of me
Pleading to get out, be set free,
Don't want the pills,
They subdue me.
Wrapped in TP,
made me a zombie.
But what if you can't handle your own crazy?
Like a blind person playing poker,
I just can't deal,
Behind the drivers seat,
Jesus, take the wheel.
Hands Up,
Can't handle the drama
This is my last stanza.
It's a period, not a comma.
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