I want to be honest with something I'm struggling with lately and that I'm currently motivated to fight against. The Bible talks a lot about the heart being deceitful. I've already posted a couple entries and some poems that are pretty dark that show my tendency to follow my heart. An example of this is if I were to get in a disagreement with someone and they hurt me, my heart tells me to completely shut them off. I'm not sure what it is that makes me like this, a defense mechanism that I have built because I've been so hurt and sensitive in the past? Without sounding dramatic at all, I can get into a disagreement with someone and I go to bed praying "It's you and me now God." 😂 Fully preparing myself to live a life independent of others. Lol. This is ridiculous to the fullest extent of the term ridiculous.
I'm not trying to brag because I promise you this is nothing I have done or am worthy of, but I have a pretty solid marriage because God blessed me with an amazing partner and we're pretty compatible. I acknowledge the rarity of my blessing and I'm insanely thankful for it. That said, if we ever disagree, I'm in defense mode.
My heart lies to me and I tend to believe it.
If I were to think rationally in the moment, I know and understand nobody's perfect and people bother each other. I feel like throughout the years my heart has taken a lead over my mind and I follow it. It doesn't just happen in my relationships either. I feel like in all honesty, I'm a little dark like Elvira or Daria from MTV? lol Or recently there's this show I'm on the fence about "Dead to Me" because it is such an amazing show, but it's like f bomb city, which I know is not good. Anyways, the main character's husband dies and is told to meditate. Her "meditating" is her listening to death metal at full blast in her car as she screams and I feel like I relate to that on a spiritual level. 😂
I've become a little more negative or something in the past few years, but it's not okay to stay in this constant mood of fine with slight dry undertones, it's not. Positivity, life, encouraging words, truth, goodness, thankfullness- the Bible tells us to focus on these things. We can't expect to grow and change if we are doing the same behavior everyday. The Bible talks about holding every thought captive for the glory of God. The New Living Translation words it like this: "We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ" - 2 Corinthians 10:5 How much has my inclination to follow my heart and let negativity rule in my life actually affected people from knowing or growing in God? I know without a doubt, it's kept me from growing personally."
There are several other verses that mention the heart being deceitful and the effects of cognitive thinking in the Bible.
Philippians 4:8 - Finally, my brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Proverbs 4:23 - 23 Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
Ephesians 4:22-24 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24 and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
Proverbs 3:5 - 5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
Romans 12;2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world,but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Jeremiah 17:9 The heart is more deceitful than all else And is desperately sick; Who can understand it?
I think what I'm trying to say is sometimes we have to go against what our deceiving hearts are telling us. We have to quiet down what our heart is telling us and focus on the truth, reason, logic, the promises of God, the actual character of people.
I'm not sure if anyone else struggles with running with their heart, but these are a few things I am learning.
1. Unless someone has given you a reason to distrust them, and history has shown that they are loyal, they probably won't hurt you or leave you. Your life isn't usually defined by an argument. When you're tempted to shut people out because of a disagreement, imagine yourself acting like a teenager girl yelling "my life is over!"... It's not, you're not alone, you don't need to pull your big girl panties up and get ready for a life of solitude, it's fine.
2. Fake it till you make it. Positive affirmations, words, praying and giving thanks even when you don't feel it. In all honesty, there are very few times I feel moved where I want to just naturally pour out my thanks, but I ought to be crying out my thanks to God every day! I feel like we sometimes can have it twisted; we think we should feel thankful so then we give thanks, but I think a lot of the time if we give thanks, then we feel thankful. Say positive things, give thanks to God, squash the negativity when it comes creeping in and don't give the devil a foothold.
There is power in our thinking and our hearts can be jerks. I personally am going to try and be more of an Erin even though my heart wants me to be a Stanley so bad. (Shout out to everyone who gets my reference- I hear you and feel you) 😂😉👨💼
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